On Eating and Consequences
It was a dim and putrid night for sure down in Grizmo, middle town, where I met with many others for what was supposed to be a charity contest for raising money for helping with over eating Chua. Evidently, the organization kidnaps plump Chua and feed them salads until they are no longer so plump. I've never heard of this and hopefully they don't find me though at least I eat decent food compared to the horrid swill that has affronted my mouth from this competition.
The competition at Grizmo, hosted by Golah Jo himself, seemed innocent enough. The first round, two Draken being milk drinkers, that wasn't so tough and one of them seems he must have had a milk allergy with as quickly as he tossed it aside. Drekos is evidently an amazing milk drinker, which also explains the love for Cheesewine as well too. From there it was a mixture of raw and cooked eggs, which Lex managed to win at. Then some raw ground meat with NO SEASONING I might add. How I made it through chowing into that meat while Jaffa lost first, I've not the slightest clue. I do like meat and I don't know what kind of raw meat it was, I think it was quite the mix really, but really next time can't they put a little salt, or maybe cheese, some pepper or something? It's such an essential for good eating. Finally, the first round was over with a three-way battle over some Bugs were Toth managed to be a champ and even help on some of the opponents crates. I do say they had an excellent bug selection and I wish I had that. Did you know bugs are naturally both nutritious and very delicious? Why freeze dried scrab, when ground up, makes for an excellent use of salt in a dish! But alas, I got unseasoned meat... But back to our article.
After that round, there was no time for an intermission as Drekos beats out Lex with a vomiting photo finish and I manage to just barely edge out Toth in the horrid, Candy Corn, challenge... Candy Corn? It was over a year old too... still well before the sell by date but what would one expect in a competition like this? Now Candy Corn can be good, especially if you make your own, (What, don't think you can, check out this article! http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/candy-corn-recipe.html For how you can try it at home and have it actually be good!) this was definitely not the best candy corn for sure. Though still I managed to hold through even though my taste buds were saying to stop this torture. What was next though made me wish I had lost to Toth....
The finals, oh the finals... Golah Jo goes spouting off a huge list of potential ideas he wanted for the finals but what was it in the end? It was... ALL OF IT... That's right, they took ten different things into a massive blender and brought them over with a funnel, carrying the liquid mass in a bucket. It was one of the most horrid experiences of my life! I just stuck that funnel in, opened my throat, and just tried to suck it all in as much as I could! In the end, I just couldn't take it and my cup runneth over while Drekos took the lead and actually finished it all. Also as disgusting as it was going down it is even worse on the way coming up... Candy corns and raw meat added to the mix did not go well at all. I cannot recommend this flavor combination to anyone! This is truly the worst of the worst... it even got all over in my fur. I spent over an hour shampooing and conditioning my fur upon getting home with TWO lopp attendants ensuring every inch was clean after that.
Golah Jo, please let that be the last such event and next time please ensure there are complimentary hip waders to contestants and viewers alike. Those poor minions coming to clean up should have had hazmat suits... the smell, the smell... just nothing like it. Please I warn you, in the name of all things edible and culinary, this is science gone truly wrong and should never exist again.