Ask Oloris

Greetings, citizens of the Dominion. It has been quite awhile since I have the requisite time to address your queries directed towards my column, and I offer my apologies. However, work on this column that, I am sure, is mostly is used for entertainment has resumed, and eventually, all backlogged questions will be addressed.

Question 1:

Dear Olo,

I'm not extremely built to be strong, but I can hold my own. My problem is my girlfriend is strong and built like a truck, so it's hard to carry her. Do you know any ways to care for a sore back after trying to carry her upstairs constantly or when she falls asleep on me?

Organic muscles are easy to damage and quite easy to repair, all things considered. First and foremost, address your form. Your back is not made for lifting, your legs, however, have been designed for such things. Address back pain with heating pads or temporary relief in the form of medicine designed to supply such.

Also, it may be wise to address a licensed doctor with your concerns rather than a news article.

Question 2:

OLORIS EXTREMIS,

DUE TO CULTURAL DIFFERENCES I USUALLY HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME INTERACTING WITH OTHER RACES OF THE EMPIRE. WHAT'S A POLITE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE TO FUCK OFF.

CURIOUSLY,

HORNY HUBRIS

I am of the opinion that the most polite form of social interaction is usual the most direct. In other words: “fuck them.”

Question 3:

Dear Olo,

I'm only a couple dates in with someone, and she already wants to meet my mom. I'm not sure if this is normal or if this is just weird circumstances. I dunno if you are in a relationship, and I'm not sure if Mechari have parents, but what do you think of the situation?

I am not nor have I ever been in a relationship, citizen. Are you afraid of others meeting your parent? You should not be ashamed of your mother, citizen, in most circumstances, mothers are the foundation of organic lives. She made you if your date wishes to see your creator, so to speak, oblige her. Cowardice is not an approved character trait.

Question 4:

Hey Olo,

I'm in love with this girl, but she's about to marry this guy that 'has it all' but in reality is a scumbag. What do I do? Should I stop the wedding?

Communication is key. As is evidence. Many marriages are abruptly ended within the next few years due to poor intelligence collection during the foregoing dating process. If you have evidence that your target is about to make a mistake that could result in a monumental waste of funds and invested time, bring it forth and illuminate her.

Question 5:

Olo,

I'm working on a garden and need to sort out what plants are safe and what are not. What are the more dangerous plants on Nexus to avoid?

Green Thumbs

Stemdragons.

Question 6:

Dear Olo,

It's only been such a short time since I was forged, and I'm having trouble integrating myself into social life among the other Dominion citizens. There are just so many things I don't understand. What are the best ways to catch up and become sociable?

Believe it or not, Millennials have prepared intelligence files on the more confusing aspects of interacting with our organic counterparts, including details pertaining to the specifics of what some of their odder facial spasms mean. No intelligence compares to that acquired firsthand, however, and observing society in action at the more populated venues around the Nexus is a quick and reliable method of education.

That is all for this week’s edition of the Ask Oloris Advice column. If you have any questions or concerns, please address them to the Dominion News Network so they may properly be screened.

Until the next issue, citizens, may Dominus watch over you.